Marty and the Moms

While Marty Robinson’s eyes adjust to the early morning light, she notices the brightness in her room. Overnight, snow has softly sifted from the sky and the world outside her window is frozen and silent. The busy day begins. Her first task each Tuesday morning is delivering Meals on Wheels www.mowspokane.org/meals_wheels.html to elderly people in Spokane, Washington where she lives. The snow is only a minor inconvenience to Marty.

Sunshine or snow, Marty goes to the homes of people where she might be the only person they see all day. Marty builds relationships with the people she serves and insists that she gets far more out of the exchanges than they do. To Marty, becoming a part of their lives is a privilege that she values and delivering meals is a very small part of the process. “Relationships are what building community is all about. You can’t build a community without relationships,” she explains. “When I visit with one of the people I deliver to, I often tell them about what their neighbors in the apartment complex are doing and encourage them to get to know each other. Every week I come home grateful for the friends and the community I have. ”

Moving to Spokane when she was just out of college and single, Marty knew no one in the area. She had a degree in Math and Actuarial Science from the University of Michigan. Within a short time, Marty was promoted to manager of a firm that specialized in employee benefits such as pension and profit sharing. “I worked so much, I didn’t have time to get to know people,” she recalls. “After a couple of years, I realized I needed another dimension to my life. So I decided to make a change. I realized I needed a community of people that I cared about.” http://www.soa.org/about/about-what-is-an-actuary.aspx

A few years later, Marty married Steve Robinson and the couple had their first child. They chose to structure their lives so that Marty could be at home with the baby. “At first, I was lost. I knew no one that stayed at home and I felt isolated,” she remembers. “Then I joined a toddler play group and met 11 other mothers who were formerly professional women and we started ‘The Moms Group’ which was loosely based on a national model of Mom’s Groups.” www.momsclub.org

Most of the women had two things in common: small children and professional careers on hold. “At first the moms shared the struggles of parenting at evening meetings. Most of our early conversations centered on topics like potty training and toddlers biting each other,” says Marty. Daytime outings to the park or the county fair or someone’s backyard helped cement the relationships. The dads were included in some of the events and the group began to resemble a community.

Traditions developed. More children were born. The group eventually grew to 57 people: 24 adults and 33 children. The moms and dads became like relatives, part of a family group that was bigger and more important to everyone than mere casual friendships.

For over twenty years, joys and sorrows have been shared. Grandparents died and the families traveled to funerals in support of each other. “I remember walking into my grandmother’s funeral and seeing all the moms sitting there together and it made me feel better,” commented Marty’s daughter, Sadie Robinson, 19. “What it means is that you have these best friends that you learned to walk with and talk with…and the best part is that these are friends you will get to keep all your life, because your moms will keep all of you together for the sake of their friendships and yours. I have not grown up with one mom; I have had 12 sets of eyes watching me. I haven’t always liked that but it has helped me be accountable and know that I am not alone. I am part of The Moms Group.”

Keeping the group intact requires many hands and hearts. Mending feelings, overlooking faults, and avoiding competition and comparisons of children and lifestyles takes a commitment from all parties. “I don’t have one best friend,” says Marty, “I have 11. These women’s friendships have been a source of strength for many years. Of course, we don’t always get along perfectly, we are human, but we cannot ever replace what we have. I hope we can enjoy each other’s grandchildren and that our children’s relationships will outlive us. Maybe someday they will join hands and celebrate friendship at our funerals.”